The Money, Stan, Big Lauren, and Me by Joanna Nadin

Author:Joanna Nadin
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781848122284
Publisher: Piccadilly Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Nan says she’d rather die than go into a home. She says as soon as they’ve wheeled you through the door they steal your money and your marbles which means your brains and all you get to eat is mince and it’s no wonder everyone gives up bothering to live, e.g. Deirdre Morris who is Brenda Gilhooly’s sister went into one called Carnation Drive because she couldn’t get upstairs any more and she kept wetting the bed and she was dead within eight weeks and not even Brenda had predicted that. Mr Feinstein said he goes to see his friend Mr Brown in a home called Dorothy House and he has his own television and a menu for dinner with two choices of gravy, and a lady called Shaniqua does his feet for him once a fortnight. But Nan said she bets Shaniqua is up to no good and that there’s arsenic in the gravy. Arsenic is a deadly poison. And Mr Feinstein went home after that because he said sometimes there is no talking to Nan, and also because Nan wanted to go to the betting shop on Whitehawk Road and Mr Feinstein says gambling which means betting is a fool’s game and he is no fool. Nan says she’s no fool either which is why she only bets five pounds a week, which is less than he spends on seed for the sparrows who can eat stale bread in every other garden, so who is the fool now? But I know neither of them think each other are fools really, because when they watch Doctors, which is their favourite daytime soap opera, they are sitting almost touching legs on the sofa and no one else is allowed to sit that close to Nan except Tammy. And maybe me and Stan.

Me and Stan weren’t allowed in the betting shop because it’s against the law until we are eighteen even though Big Lauren goes in. But it’s only to get say seventy pence off her mum for a Mars bar. Nan said we could pick a horse each off the list and she would put a pound on to win and I chose Majestic Rose because of Titanic and Stan chose Lady Jameela because it’s two pop stars in one and then we sat on the step by the door with a can of Fanta between us and watched everyone go in. Kyle Perry’s dad was first and then about ten minutes later Kyle Perry’s mum. And then we heard shouting and Mrs Perry came back out again and her face was screwed up like a used-up piece of paper and she was saying swear words to herself. Stan thought it was brilliant but I thought it was at least seventy pence in a swear box. Mr Perry didn’t come out. He stayed inside and the next person out was Nan, and me and Stan hadn’t won anything and nor had Nan. But Mr Perry had won £450 on a horse called Arnold Lane, which is a stupid name for a horse if you ask me, but no one did.

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